Pets Are Funny

Creative Canine Basketball Star

2009-11-20T09:40:00.002-05:00

How about the lab that can dribble a basketball. I saw this video recently and I have to say it was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen a dog do. And that's saying a lot. Being a former basketball player myself, I was impressed. I had a dog once that jumped and blocked my shot. But this dog in the video was simply amazing. Not only could he dribble, but he could also pass, and shoot. You have to see it to believe it. A man is dribbling a basketball and passes it to the dog. The dog is standing on its back legs. He dribbles the ball two or three times and then bats it back to the man. This little drill goes on for a minute or two and then all of a sudden, the man passes the ball behind his back and the dog catches it. Not only that, but the dog then proceeds to place the ball in a lowered basketball hoop. Yes, the dog dunks the ball. Wow. I love dogs and have always had an admiration for dogs who can do unusual tricks. This one tops the list...so far! He must have had some good pet supplies, like some real good pet pet supplies.

For a seeing eye dog that won't be denied, go to Funnier Pets.

Funny Cat Story

2009-07-18T19:06:00.002-04:00

Face it. Some cats are hilarious. Then there are people with cats that are sometimes just as funny. Take this story for example. We were dressed and ready to go out for a big holiday celebration. We put our cat in the backyard and called the local taxi company and requested a cab. The cab arrived and we opened the door to leave the house. Unfortunately, our cat ran back into the house. We didn't want the cat left in the house because she always rebels when we leave her alone. My wife went out to the cab while I went inside to get the cat.

Waiting in the taxi, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night, so, she explained to the driver that I would be out shortly after saying goodbye to my mother. A few minutes later, I got into the taxi "Sorry I took so long," I said as we drove off. "That stupid thing was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a golf club to get her to come out! Then she tried to get away from me, so I grabbed her by the neck. She was trying to scratch me so I had to wrap her in a blanket to protect myself, but it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out in the backyard!"

The cab driver almost hit a parked car.

How to Give Your Dog a Bath

2009-06-22T15:51:00.001-04:00

By Dante Jolay

Bathing dogs is not easy if your dog happens to be a little stubborn. To make it easier, follow these five simple steps.

1. Prepare towel, dog shampoo, hair brush, and hair blower. Regular hair shampoos or dishwashing liquids have active ingredients that could damage dog's skin and fur. In choosing a shampoo, choose an ordinary dog shampoo unless your dog has ticks or other skin problems. Dog shampoos have thick consistency so it is best to dilute it with 25% to 50% water.
2. Brush dog's hair. Brushing your dog's hair is recommended before and after giving him a bath. Brushing takes away the dirt and shedding hair. This is best done before bathing since most dirt is hard to brush away when the dog's hair is wet.
3. Trick your stubborn dog into taking a bath. When all else fails, bribe your dog with treats or bring his favorite toy to lure him to the bathroom. This could take a lot of practice and patience on your part. If these tricks don't work on your canine buddy, then the other, faster option is to use a choke chain. If your dog is really big, you might consider bathing him outdoors with a hose and a helper.
4. Wet, shampoo, and rinse, rinse, rinse. Wet your dog starting from the neck then to the body and tail. Do not wet his head yet. This should be completed last. Shampoo your dog's hind legs and tail going to the body and neck. Then, wet and shampoo the head making sure that no water gets into your dog's ear. Rinse dog's fur thoroughly. If any shampoo is left on the dog's skin for a long period of time, it could cause allergies and skin irritation.
5. Pat your dog dry using a clean towel. Prepare to get wet yourself as your dog may shake off excess water. Afterward, use a hair blower to dry your dog completely. It is advisable to adjust the blower to the right temperature. Do not let the hair blower stay too close to the dog's skin as this could burn his sensitive skin.

The Dog's House Rules

2009-03-24T12:17:00.000-04:00

The House Rules
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. Okay, the dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only, but has to stay off the new couch.
5. Okay, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Fine, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Privacy Policy

2009-03-24T12:12:00.001-04:00

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The First Cat

2009-03-05T19:02:00.001-05:00

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us." And God said, "Okay, I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." And dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well." And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn't care one way or the other.

Pets Are More Than Just Funny

2009-02-05T11:43:00.001-05:00

Pets are funny, no doubt about it. But they also are valuable additions to the family. Pets can teach children lessons they will carry throughout life. One good example is unconditional love. They love you you regardless of your failings. Important lessons on friendship, responsibility, loyalty, and devotion come gift-wrapped in fur. To care for a pet is to be responsible. You've got to feed them and take care of them. You've got to clean up behind them many times. That part may not be fun. You've got to teach them discipline but the joy of seeing them light up when you walk into the room makes it all worth it. Work and play, life's great counter-balancing weights, begin with pets. If you don't have a dog or cat, consider getting one. If not for yourself, do it for the kids.

Mind Games Dogs Play

2009-01-12T18:22:00.000-05:00

Let the humans teach you a brand new trick, and learn it well. Then when the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go poop. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go pee, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the world.

When going out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

Funny Pet Names

2008-12-08T18:33:00.001-05:00

Funny pet names are a fun way to express how you feel about your pet. Our pets can bring us joy and happiness. There's no disputing that. So, there is nothing wrong with choosing a fun name. Dogs learn their names and commands based on short and easy words. For other pets, there are really no limitations as to what you can name them. You can be as funny and creative as you like. Make sure it is something that the whole family can easily pronounce. Also, be certain the funny pet name won't cause any embarrassment for any of the family members when someone uses it. For ideas for funny pet names, you will find many books or magazines with good suggestions. Here's a good starter list.

Ammo
Archie
C.H.U.D. (cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller)
Cujo
Dr. Pickles
EddieG-unit
Gator
Happy Tuxedo
Holmes
Homey
Hooch
Keno
Knockout
Knuckles
Ninja
Nugget
Paws
Scaggs
Popeye
Schnapps
Septimus
Sisyphus
Sputnik
Squeeky
Stay (try it)
Taz
Zeus
Zorro

Ruff Ruff says "Please Don't Go"

2008-11-20T11:46:00.000-05:00

My dog is the funniest pet around. I know everyone thinks their pet is funny, so do I. One of the most hilarious things that Ruff Ruff does is when it is time for me to go to work, he protests. No not in the normal way of barking or running around, or even laying in front of the door to block it. Ruff Ruff runs to my closet and gets some of my more casual clothes like my sweats and brings it to me. He knows that when I put my suit on, that I am leaving without him. So he does his best to let me know that isn't what he wants. When I proceed to leave anyway, you guessed it, he says "Ruff Ruff."

A Dog's Ten Commandments

2008-10-27T18:33:00.002-04:00

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.

4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.

9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.

10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can't bear to watch. Don't make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so.

We do not have to wait for Heaven, to be surrounded by hope, love, and joyfulness. They are here on earth and have four legs!

Puppy Rules: It's Mine

2008-09-19T01:47:00.001-04:00

If I like it, it’s mine.
If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If toys are out, all of them are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.

P.S. Same rules go for human toddlers!

My Cats Clean Their Litter Box

2008-09-14T11:16:00.002-04:00

I have two of the funniest cats in the world. They are nothing short of amusing entertainment! They have a strange but entertaining habit of cleaning their litter boxes. Yes, I mean cleaning them from top to bottom after using them. I don’t mean the usual “covering up” after their business is done. They stay in the box several minutes afterwards and scratch at every spot of the box and then the lid. They both do it as if they know the other is watching and don't want to miss anything in case it is spot checked. When they have completed the task, they each step out of the box and look back as if admiring their handiwork.

Funny Dog Show Story

2008-09-13T11:33:00.003-04:00

This funny pet story makes me laugh every time I read it.

First time at a dog show, I'll never go near one again.
The Breeder said "Show him" when I bought my dog,
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog.
They gave me a number, they gave me a pin.
But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in.
So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear glue.
Then I stuck the card onto his back in the loo.
We arrived at the ringside to find we were first.
In the Puppy Class (this part is the worst).
We marched in together as fast as we were able.
Arrived at the judge who said "Up on the table".
This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight.
And I just couldn't make it, try hard as I might.
The Judge looked quite worried, he said "Listen here
Put your dog on the table, not you, my dear."
By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool.
But I said to myself..."Play it cool, play it cool."
"How old?" said the Judge, I heard it quite clear.
Well really, I thought, and said "Thirty next year."
The Steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of fit.
He spluttered, he coughed, and his eyes ran a bit.
"I'd have that cough seen to" I said to him when.
He'd finally stopped...then he started again.
"Once round the ring, dear, as fast as you can"
Said the Judge, so I did, I just ran and ran,
But when I arrived (out of breath, I'll admit).
The Judge said "Your dog, dear." I felt like a twit.
Off round once again, I kept my head bent.
Oh the shame, my pup crouched, he just went and went.
A lady came running with bucket and spade.
With manure so spicy, has she got it made.
We came back to the Judge who said with a frown
"Stand your dog." I said "Please sir, he's not lying down."
"You can take First Place stand. " he said. I said "Ta."
What a job I had getting that stand into the car!

Funny Pet Ads

2008-09-11T10:51:00.001-04:00

Whether you are a pet lover or not, you have to admit that there are funny pets. Pet owners can talk for hours about the hilarious things their beloved critters do. But how about the funny pet ads? I found a site which has listed some of the funniest ads you will ever see. Pedigree is at the top of the list due to their cool ads for pet food. Check it out here. Now try not to laugh too loud. Unless of course you are one of those so called pet lovers. And if you are then we wouldn't expect anything less from you.

More Funny Pet Names

2008-07-16T14:10:00.000-04:00

More Funny Pet Names, this time funny dog names

Ammo
Archie
C.H.U.D. (cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller)
Cujo
Eddie
G-unit
Gator
Holmes
Homey
Hooch
Keno
Knockout
Knuckles
Ninja
Nugget
Paws Scaggs
Pecker
Popeye
Schnapps
Snoopy
Sputnik
Squeeky
Stay (try it)
Taz
Zed Zeppelin
Zeus
Zorro

Highlighting Cats Pics

2008-06-28T11:44:00.000-04:00

Sometimes pictures pets are worth a thousand words. Cat stories are most appreciated by seeing for yourself. You can't help but love the funny pets in our lives.

And Now for Some Funny Pet Names

2008-06-02T18:11:00.001-04:00

Cats are Next

Cutsie
Colletta
Sheba
Sugar
Lakiesha
Boston
Tali
Chat
Smokey
Hippey
Muchka
Eskimo
Lexi
Casper
Ginger
Trixie Boo
Xenia
Hitler
Ruby
Harriet
Shadow
Blackey
Elton
Jinx
Bam Bam

Funny Dog Names

2008-05-17T11:07:00.000-04:00

Funny Pet Names: Let's start with dogs first:

Askim (What's his name?)
Blotto
Blubber
Bogie
Buckshot
Buzzsaw
Chewme
Chunky
Deogee (De=D; o=O; gee=G)
Ding Dong
Dolittle
Elvis
Farter
Furball
Gizmo
Gomer
Gonner
Hobo
Hulk (Big Dog)
Jughead
Kegger
Klutz
Knuckles
Nightmare
Nutt
Ozzy
Patches
Scaggs
Peanut
Puddles
Rambone
Rimshot
Sarge
Sausage
Showoff
Shredder
Stay (try it)
Target (dark patch on eye)
Toots
Wookie
Zippo

I Do Dog Tricks

2008-05-11T21:26:00.000-04:00

Do you appreciate a dog that listens and obeys? Well then check out this link and see a funny dog do just what you tell him.

http://www.idodogtricks.com/index_flash.html

Jokes

2008-04-19T15:36:00.000-04:00

Pet Jokes - More Funny Dog Lines

Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
Because frost bites!

Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?
A: An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!

Q: What do you call an alcoholic dog?
A: A whino!

Q: What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?
A: Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!

Q: When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?
A: When the door is open!

Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!

Cats and Their Gifts To Us

2008-03-23T12:29:00.001-04:00

For me, one of the many joys of owning outside cats is the very real possibility that I can walk out onto my deck in my bare feet and step in squirrel guts. Don't laugh, I'm not kidding. Anyone who owns or has ever owned an outside cat knows that outside cats think the world exists only to supply them with vermin-ridden small creatures to destroy.

Many cat lovers will tell you that a cat is giving you a high honor by placing a mangled rabbit on your doorstep. Horse puckey. They do it to make you scream in revulsion and/or vomit. Making your owner sick is a high honor in the halls of cat-dom.

We have two outside cats, Yum Yum and Lonely. Yes, Lonely. Well he is Lonely No More now that he found a place to live. Yum Yum? Well, my kids named her. They don't like to be petted like normal cats, and they take great measures to avoid human contact.

Lonely looks like the feline hair ball and Yum Yum is a cute, it not feisty, black and white "friend." Their true talents, however lie in their bloodthirsty pursuit of hapless small animals. Squirrels, rabbits, birds, mice, you name it. I have seen all of their insides. I look at the cats and they give me this "What? Did I do something wrong?" look. Well, yes, you did.

If only I could scold them and make them clean up their mess. But that wouldn't be cat-like. They have the easiest jobs in the world: eat, sleep, and, yes, kill.

2008-03-07T16:02:00.000-05:00

I Told You I Didn't Feel Well

I have heard many cat owners talk about funny cat pictures, but this had to be the most hilarious of all the dog pics ever taken.

Some random thoughts:

Speaking of funny pet photos, if you haven't seen "The World's Ugliest Dog," you have to see Elwood. He won the contest again. Of all funny looking dogs, he is the best.

This site is dedicated to funny pets. That means it is open to pet jokes, cat humor, (or cats humor for those of you with several), and of course that includes funny cat pics.

Before I go any further, funny cat photos are harder to come by. However, I do have a gem or two I'll be uploading soon.

Back to my purpose for the blog. We will be offering some cat stories, funny pet names, and dog fun soon as well. Don't you love how I am all over the place with my random thoughts? That is why it is random.

I never used to be a cat person, but once I got my first two, I realized they are funny cats, very funny cats. So I grabbed the camera and took, you guessed it, some funny cats pictures.

Not to neglect my personal favorite animal, dogs. How about if I say funny cats and dogs. Because they are both so amusing. But as I said funny pictures of cats are rare. If you have one that you'd like me to post, please let me know. In the meantime, I'll stop "randoming" my thoughts. Enjoy the pet humor.

You Know You Are a Dog Person When...

2008-02-18T18:24:00.000-05:00

All dates must pass your dog's inspection.

All of your clothes have dog hair on them, even when they come back from the laundromat or dry cleaners.

You get birthday cards for each of your dogs from family, friends, and the vet. Every gift you ever get has something to do with dogs.

Kiss your dog more than 10 times per greeting.

All your non-dog friends know to dress down when visiting your house

Books and movies are ruined for you if the dog references are incorrect.

Onlookers grimace at the sight of you sharing your sandwich with your four-legged pal, bite for bite.

Call long distance and talk with your dog.

Dog hair in food is just another spice.

If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.

A picture you will remember forever.

When the dog comes back in you realize he has been rolling in the dead bird/squirrel you thought you carefully buried that morning.

At least three of your five weeks vacation are scheduled around grooming,vaccinations and dental cleaning...all for the dogs!

All I Need To Know I Learned From My Dog

2008-02-11T15:34:00.000-05:00

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Thrive on affection and let people touch you - enjoy back rubs and pats on your neck. When you leave your yard, make it an adventure. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout - run right back and make friends.

Bond with your pack. On cold nights, curl up in front of a crackling fire. When you're excited, speak up. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Weapons of Mouse Destruction

2008-02-05T17:23:00.000-05:00

The Mouse cannot be found

The mouse you brought in from the garden is currently unavailable. The mouse might have hidden under the cooker, or you may need to adjust your hunting skills.

Please try the following:

Click the catch new mouse button, or try again later.

If you have decapitated and disembowelled the mouse and don't want your owner to tread on the remains, hide the evidence behind the sofa.

To update your Weapons of Mouse Destruction settings, click the Where's Mouse? menu, and then click Check Hidey Holes. On the Locations tab, select Under Cooker. These settings should correspond to where the mouse was last seen.

If your household has enabled it, your owner can automatically discover mouse when it runs across her foot. If you would like your owner to locate the mouse now, click Detect Mouse

If your owner has declared the house a No Scurry Zone, click the Tools menu, and then click on Evict Mouse. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the location the mouse was last seen and follow the instructions.

Click the Blame button if you would like to blame the other cat for this mouse.

Cannot find mouse or General Rodent ErrorIntermouse Explorer

Mind Games Dogs Play

2008-01-29T12:09:00.000-05:00

After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel-dry you! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.

When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go pee, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go poop. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

Oh Deer!

2007-12-15T18:48:00.000-05:00

Years ago, I was going back home to visit my folks by Greyhound. One night the bus was just outside of Cody, Wyoming, when the driver saw a deer get hit by the car ahead of us. It didn't stop. But the bus driver did. He got out to check on the deer. He came back to the bus and asked us, all 4 of us passengers, if we would mind if he brought the unconscious deer on board and would we swear not to tell the company. We said okay.

So the driver and one of the passengers carried the deer on the bus and off we went back to Cody. We had just hit town when the deer came to. The Vet's office was a couple of blocks away. The poor deer was running up and down the aisle when we arrived at midnight and no Vet. The driver said he knew the vet and would give him a call and left us with the deer. One of the passengers started to go into hysterics. He was from Oakland and had never been around or liked animals much. The deer began to tire and went and put its head on the sobbing 6ft 4 man's lap. He began to pet it. When the driver and vet finally got there the man had named the deer after his mother and wanted to pay it's vet bills. The vet said no charge for wild animals and took her off to be treated for her cuts and bruises. When we got to Denver, the driver told us that the deer was okay and that she was released back out in the wild that morning. Three of us cheered and clapped. The man from Oakland cried when he heard the news.

The other passengers thought we were all nuts and didn't have clue what was going on. The other part of the good news was that all four of us were assured seats by ourselves because nobody likes to sit next to crazy people. Submitted by Robin A.

God's Creations

2007-12-02T12:01:00.000-05:00

God created the mule and told him: "You will be Mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you will lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."
The mule answered: "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him: "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to who you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years." And the dog responded: "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him: "You are Monkey. You will swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded: "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him: "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world, you will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
And the man responded: "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule, working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age to live as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren. And it was so.

Doggy Dictionary

2007-10-31T19:34:00.000-04:00

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

Beware of Dog

2007-10-24T18:59:00.000-04:00

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Dog's Duties

2007-10-16T18:01:00.000-04:00

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

Seeing Eye Dogs

2007-10-09T18:10:00.000-04:00

There were two buddies one with a German Shepherd and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the German Shepherd says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The buddy with the German Shepherd says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the German Shepherd puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.
" The man with the German Shepherd says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua???
You mean to tell me, that they gave me a Chihuahua?!"

Top Ten Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

2007-10-03T09:42:00.000-04:00

10. T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igtjh;pa3wds (Too hard to type with paws)
9. "Sit" and "stay" were hard enough; "delete" and "save" are out of the question.
8. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
7. Carpal Paw Syndrome.
6. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway he's browsing www.purina.com
5. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
4. Can't help attacking the screen when he hears, "you've got mail".
3. Too messy to mark every Web site he visits.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
1. Can't stick his head out of Windows XP.

Cat Comedy

2007-09-15T11:56:00.000-04:00

What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?
He stole the whole show!

What is a cat's favourite colour?
Purrrrrrrple!

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
The retail store.

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.

What do cats use to make coffee?
A purrcolator.

What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
A duck filled fatty puss.

If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws.

Why is the cat so grouchy?
Because he's in a bad mewd.

What's The Difference Between a Dog and a Cat?

2007-07-18T10:38:00.000-04:00

A dog lives in your house and sees that you give it food and water and says to itself, "Wow, these beings give me food and water without my having to do anything. They must be gods!"

A cat lives in your house and sees that you give it food and water and says to itself, "Wow, these beings give me food and water without my having to do anything. I must be a god!"

Funny Dog Story

2007-07-11T15:43:00.000-04:00

The kennel staff neglected to tell a security officer that the dog he was assigned was a "talker". When she wanted to get your attention, or wanted you to play, she would tell you so by going "woof, growl, woof", and gnash her teeth. The more excited, the louder she "talked", and the more teeth she displayed.

The assignment was in a forested area, where the officer spied a tree laden with apples. When the officer reached for an apple, the dog, thinking he was about to throw a ball, went into her act.

"SNAP! WOOF! GNASH!" she growled, staring right into the Guard’s eyes.
She was saying "yea!, yea! Throw the ball"; but the officer translated that into "Move and I’ll kill you!", so he froze; on tip toes, hand on the apple, quietly trying to calm the dog.

Each time he moved, the dog would woof and snap. The officer claimed he was in this "Statue of Liberty" position for hours, until finally the dog decided he wasn’t going to throw the ball, so she laid down and went to sleep.

Cat Laughs

2007-07-04T22:51:00.000-04:00

Part 2

Why are cats such good singers?
Because they're very mewsical.

What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner?
Chain litter.

What is the cat's favourite magazine?
Good Mousekeeping.

How many cats can you put into an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.

Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look?
Because you stop looking after you find it.

If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window?
Because the window is closed.

What is a cat's favourite movie?
"The Sound of Mewsic."

Dog is Man's Best Friend

2007-06-27T18:37:00.000-04:00

Okay how many of you can admit that coming home and getting licked on the face by your dog is the best welcome home greeting there is? I'll admit it. There is nothing quite like my Ali's greeting. She puts her ears all the way back, wags her tail non stop, whines with utter joy, and kisses me like there is no tomorrow.

My wife asks why I greet the dog first, and I say, as soon as you get as excited to see me as she does, I'll kiss you first.

Dogs never gets mad at us. They don't hold grudges. They don't talk bad about us behind our backs. They are fiercely loyal. They are always glad to see their master. They even sense when we are down and can try to cheer us up. They love us unconditionally. What a friend!

I know I am not alone here. I have talked to many other dog lovers who feel the same. I therefore, conclude that dog is man's best friend.

Cat Laughs

2007-06-22T10:00:00.000-04:00

Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.

Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists?
Because they finally opened their eyes.

Why are cats better than babies?
Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?
Hiss and Tell.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?
A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.

What does a cat do when it gets mad?
It has a hissy fit.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
The purrpatrator.

More Cat Jokes

2007-06-19T19:41:00.000-04:00

Part 3

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens.

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat?
A peeping tom.

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's favourite song?
Three Blind Mice.

What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice?
Don't you have a cat?

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order?
Claw Enforcement.

How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?
He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.

Cat Jokes

2007-06-16T09:17:00.000-04:00

Part Two

What do cats like on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.

What do you call a cat that lives in the desert?
Sandy Claws.

What magazine do cats like to read?
Good Mousekeeping.

Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't?
Your lap.

Why did the cat put oil on the mouse?
Because it squeaked.

What is a cat's favourite car?
The Catillac.

What kind of cat will keep your grass short?
A Lawn Meower.

Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats?
Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.

What do you use to comb a cat?
A catacomb.

Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because it was afraid of the bark!

Teach your cat to flush the toilet, yes the toilet.
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Dog Jokes

2007-06-12T19:24:00.000-04:00

Part 2

Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?
He doesn't believe in dogs.

What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

What is a little dog's favorite drink?
Pupsi-cola.

What kind of dog floats in the air?
An Airedale.

What do you get if an Airedale floats too close to the sun?
A hot dog.

What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.

Where do young dogs sleep when they camp out?
In pup tents.

Why did the little boy name his dog Computer?
Because it came with lots of bytes.

Pets Do the Darndest Things

2007-06-09T09:58:00.000-04:00

If it weren't for the funny things pets do, some days would be down right boring. Take for example, dogs, and some of their habits.

One of our dogs will drag underwear, socks or bras around the house from the laundry basket. Her favorite time to do this is usually when we have guests! Can you imagine the embarrassment of talking to a guest and looking down at their feet, only to see a pair of underwear. Well we have experienced it several times. The only thing I could say the first time was, "I doubt that you need those so let me put them away."

How To Take Your Small Pet Dog Everywhere

2007-06-06T09:32:00.000-04:00

How To Take Your Small Dog Everywhere

I recently came across a site that offers some valuable information. How many of you have small dogs that you would love to take along, but you are just not sure how to discreetly accomplish it? If you are like me, and have been looking for a way to travel first class with your pet, then look no more.

This sensational resource "How to Take Your Small Dog Everywhere - From Around The Corner to Around The World" is available to you as a downloadable manual directly accessible at http://crystals86.spencerdog.hop.clickbank.net/.

Yes, it does cost to purchase the e-book, but there is also a valuable bonus. At no additional charge, the "Hotel And Restaurant Guide" - all the places to travel that are pet-friendly and just plain fun!

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You Know Your Cat Owns You When:

2007-06-04T23:02:00.000-04:00

At the store, you pick up the cat food and kitty litter before you pick out anything for yourself.
The Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap.
You accept dates only with those who have a cat. If so, you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along.
You don't admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have.
You buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month.
You climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat.
You cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays.
You feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork.
You give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas, and you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse.
You have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator.

Why The World Needs Pets

2007-06-03T10:41:00.000-04:00

Why The World Needs Pets
by: Bill Clanton

They won’t hold a grudge. They won’t leave you for someone else. They know how to show their affection. They even know your feelings better than you do. Who are “they”? Well “they” go by many names, but most of the world just calls them “Pets”.

Pets are wondrous creatures whose powers go beyond that of spiritual or magical. Perhaps that power is what the world needs more of. Recently while being interviewed by a local newspaper reporter I was asked the question, “Why do you think that pets have become so popular in recent years?” I thought for a moment and then answered. “We are a nation at war, a nation still recovering from the after effects of September 11th, a nation rebuilding in the wake of a devastating hurricane in the South, all while living in a media spoon fed world with terror attacks in every news break.” I then went on to explain the key thing that separates us from our pets. “If I were to go to a human friend for emotional support, I could only expect so much. You see, they could be affected by the same negative worldly stress that depresses me. However, my pet remains unaffected.” This newspaper reporter agreed with my statement and we spent several minutes talking about the idea of “unconditional love”.

Unconditional love is a phrase that I have heard people from all walks of life relate totally to pets. I find it amazing that so many people with different backgrounds, cultures, and languages can come to this same agreement. When we are at our lowest of lows our pet will still be there. Pets fill the void in our lives.

Another incredible aspect of pets is in the case of loved ones away from home. While loved ones may be over seas fighting to preserve freedom, pets are fighting battles here on the emotional frontlines in our homes. Our pets are armed with the weapons of mass affection. A wet nose, a wagging tail, a friendly purr, and soft snuggly fur remain a strong hold of the pet arsenal. In a few short moments a pet can bring us from a face full of tears to a face full of cheers.

They always aim to please expecting nothing in return. I have never heard of a dog not loving his master because his master forgot say “I love you”, or a cat ignoring her caretaker because they got home late from work. Wait, I am talking about cats so actual results of the previous statement may vary. My point is that we could learn a tremendous amount about humility and humanity from our pets. Humans using the powers gained by observing our pets could one day actually bring about world peace. In the mean time we take it one heart at a time.

The next time you find yourself alone, hurt, sad, or frightened, just find your furry friend, open up your heart, and let the power heal you.

The Creation Story As Told By a Dog

2007-06-01T10:25:00.000-04:00

The Creation Story As Told By a Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

The Creation Story As Told By a Dog

Cat Jokes

2007-05-30T10:04:00.000-04:00

What do cats like on their hot dogs?
Mouse-tard.

What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.

What do you call a cat that sucks on lemons?
A sourpuss.

What has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.

What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.

What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.

How to cats greet each other at Christmas?"
A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!"

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More cat jokes to come.

Dog Jokes

2007-05-27T18:28:00.000-04:00

Which side of a dog has the most hair?
The out side.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"?
A watch dog.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help ... after he bites your leg off.

What do you call a dog that is left-handed?
A south paw.

What does a dog get when it finishes obedience school?
A pet degree

Funny Dog Names

2007-05-25T21:06:00.000-04:00

by: Jakomo Dupont

You know how hard it may be to decide on which dog or breed of dog to buy, you know how difficult it may be to convince the members of the family that you want to have a dog and that you will take care of him in a proper way. Nevertheless, there is something which may seem easy but it is not. Quite the opposite in fact, naming your dog may turn out to be a complete nightmare if you do not take the time and energy to do it right.

Buying a dog can be quite painstaking, altering your whole lifestyle can be nerve wracking at first, but if on top of that, your dog does not look or resemble or the effort you had to put together to buy him and make him adapt to your way of life, the whole situation may turn out to be rather disappointing.

Giving your dog a name requires your attention and dedication for some time. First of all you will need to consider that whenever your dog is called by the name it is because he had to learn it somehow. Therefore, it is really important to give your dog a name that is easy for him to learn as well as for you to remember.

Extravagant and presumed of names may well end up being called finally, puppy or doggie. You certainly do not wan that to happen. In order to give the dog an appropriate name you should also pay attention to his personality, his energy, his daily routine, etc.

Among the many styles of names that you can come up with, there are some which can be improved to become rather funny or at least striking, not the usual, silly or boring names.

Let' take a look at some possible alternatives:

For those dogs which have a funny appearance, names such as Buzie, Bungee or Buccy seem to be appropriate.

For those dogs which are as energetic as a bottle of Gatorade, a name such as Jazzy may sound ok. What about Jeopardy, for those intriguing dogs with that puzzling look?

Why not name him after someone famous you admire, for example if your dog is rather fat and his rotation is not very active, Homer would sound hilarious or even Barney, Homer's drinking friend. With smart, intelligent dogs, the option can be Lisa, if it is a female , it would sound just right.

Baldy for those dogs without much hair would seem suitable, Bingo if you are into casino games, or if you had luck in the past and want to remember that by naming your dog that way.

Finally, Magellan, a bit of history, for those intrepid dogs which like adventure so much, would sound a bit over the top but funny, nevertheless.

Funny Dog Story

2007-05-25T08:39:00.000-04:00

Funny Dog Story!

Speaking of German Shepherds, I had a female once named Princess. Princess sure played the part of a princess. One of her "unique" habits was to show off everyday when we came home. She would pick up her bowl and carry it around the room in her mouth. She walked slowly but proudly. Her tail would wag and her ears were back. Our part in this ritual was to clap our hands and chant "Look at her."

Princess loved the attention. She was a dog that craved affection, but only on her terms. Our clapping for her would usually last about two or three minutes before Princess would drop the bowl and lay down. It was if she was saying, "That's enough. I'm done." However, if we stopped clapping and chanting first she would not like that.

I am not sure who enjoyed the show more, Princess or our family. One thing is for sure, Princess would do it every time we saw her, and we continued doing our part for all ten years that we had her. What a funny dog story.

Funny. Dog Won't Let Her Tail Get Away

2007-05-23T09:32:00.000-04:00

Funny. Dog Won't Let Her Tail Get Away. My German Shepherd dog, Ali, has one of the funniest habits I have ever seen. She chases her tail. Now you may be thinking what is so funny about that. Well, she only chases her tail when someone is in the room with her. It is all she wants to do. She will chase her tail for hours. Yes, hours, non stop, for as long as someone is in the room with her. If she is left alone, she stops immediately. Ali will chase her tail in circles until she can grab a hold of it. She then proceeds to spin in a circle, tail in mouth, until she is dizzy. Or so it seems. Then it's time to start the cycle over again.

It goes something like this. Ali will sit down and turn her head so she can see the tail. As soon as the tail moves ever so slightly, or if someone in the room makes a move of any kind, she begins to chase it, as if it was going to get away or something. She is relentless in her pursuit of her tail. We affectionately refer to her tail as her friend. There's nothing Ali would rather do than chase that tail around the room. That is, as long as she has an audience. What a funny dog story it is.