Wednesday, July 18, 2007

What's The Difference Between a Dog and a Cat?

A dog lives in your house and sees that you give it food and water and says to itself, "Wow, these beings give me food and water without my having to do anything. They must be gods!"

A cat lives in your house and sees that you give it food and water and says to itself, "Wow, these beings give me food and water without my having to do anything. I must be a god!"

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Funny Dog Story

The kennel staff neglected to tell a security officer that the dog he was assigned was a "talker". When she wanted to get your attention, or wanted you to play, she would tell you so by going "woof, growl, woof", and gnash her teeth. The more excited, the louder she "talked", and the more teeth she displayed.

The assignment was in a forested area, where the officer spied a tree laden with apples. When the officer reached for an apple, the dog, thinking he was about to throw a ball, went into her act.

"SNAP! WOOF! GNASH!" she growled, staring right into the Guard’s eyes.
She was saying "yea!, yea! Throw the ball"; but the officer translated that into "Move and I’ll kill you!", so he froze; on tip toes, hand on the apple, quietly trying to calm the dog.

Each time he moved, the dog would woof and snap. The officer claimed he was in this "Statue of Liberty" position for hours, until finally the dog decided he wasn’t going to throw the ball, so she laid down and went to sleep.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Cat Laughs

Part 2

Why are cats such good singers?
Because they're very mewsical.

What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner?
Chain litter.

What is the cat's favourite magazine?
Good Mousekeeping.

How many cats can you put into an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.

Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look?
Because you stop looking after you find it.

If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window?
Because the window is closed.

What is a cat's favourite movie?
"The Sound of Mewsic."