Oh Deer!

Years ago, I was going back home to visit my folks by Greyhound. One night the bus was just outside of Cody, Wyoming, when the driver saw a deer get hit by the car ahead of us. It didn't stop. But the bus driver did. He got out to check on the deer. He came back to the bus and asked us, all 4 of us passengers, if we would mind if he brought the unconscious deer on board and would we swear not to tell the company. We said okay.

So the driver and one of the passengers carried the deer on the bus and off we went back to Cody. We had just hit town when the deer came to. The Vet's office was a couple of blocks away. The poor deer was running up and down the aisle when we arrived at midnight and no Vet. The driver said he knew the vet and would give him a call and left us with the deer. One of the passengers started to go into hysterics. He was from Oakland and had never been around or liked animals much. The deer began to tire and went and put its head on the sobbing 6ft 4 man's lap. He began to pet it. When the driver and vet finally got there the man had named the deer after his mother and wanted to pay it's vet bills. The vet said no charge for wild animals and took her off to be treated for her cuts and bruises. When we got to Denver, the driver told us that the deer was okay and that she was released back out in the wild that morning. Three of us cheered and clapped. The man from Oakland cried when he heard the news.

The other passengers thought we were all nuts and didn't have clue what was going on. The other part of the good news was that all four of us were assured seats by ourselves because nobody likes to sit next to crazy people. Submitted by Robin A.

God's Creations

God created the mule and told him: "You will be Mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you will lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."
The mule answered: "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him: "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to who you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years." And the dog responded: "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him: "You are Monkey. You will swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded: "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him: "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world, you will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
And the man responded: "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule, working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age to live as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren. And it was so.

Doggy Dictionary

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

Beware of Dog

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Dog's Duties

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

Seeing Eye Dogs

There were two buddies one with a German Shepherd and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the German Shepherd says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The buddy with the German Shepherd says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the German Shepherd puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.
" The man with the German Shepherd says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua???
You mean to tell me, that they gave me a Chihuahua?!"

Top Ten Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

10. T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igtjh;pa3wds (Too hard to type with paws)
9. "Sit" and "stay" were hard enough; "delete" and "save" are out of the question.
8. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
7. Carpal Paw Syndrome.
6. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway he's browsing www.purina.com
5. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
4. Can't help attacking the screen when he hears, "you've got mail".
3. Too messy to mark every Web site he visits.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
1. Can't stick his head out of Windows XP.

Cat Comedy

What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?
He stole the whole show!

What is a cat's favourite colour?
Purrrrrrrple!

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
The retail store.

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.

What do cats use to make coffee?
A purrcolator.

What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
A duck filled fatty puss.

If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws.

Why is the cat so grouchy?
Because he's in a bad mewd.

What's The Difference Between a Dog and a Cat?

A dog lives in your house and sees that you give it food and water and says to itself, "Wow, these beings give me food and water without my having to do anything. They must be gods!"

A cat lives in your house and sees that you give it food and water and says to itself, "Wow, these beings give me food and water without my having to do anything. I must be a god!"

Funny Dog Story

The kennel staff neglected to tell a security officer that the dog he was assigned was a "talker". When she wanted to get your attention, or wanted you to play, she would tell you so by going "woof, growl, woof", and gnash her teeth. The more excited, the louder she "talked", and the more teeth she displayed.

The assignment was in a forested area, where the officer spied a tree laden with apples. When the officer reached for an apple, the dog, thinking he was about to throw a ball, went into her act.

"SNAP! WOOF! GNASH!" she growled, staring right into the Guard’s eyes.
She was saying "yea!, yea! Throw the ball"; but the officer translated that into "Move and I’ll kill you!", so he froze; on tip toes, hand on the apple, quietly trying to calm the dog.

Each time he moved, the dog would woof and snap. The officer claimed he was in this "Statue of Liberty" position for hours, until finally the dog decided he wasn’t going to throw the ball, so she laid down and went to sleep.

Cat Laughs

Part 2

Why are cats such good singers?
Because they're very mewsical.

What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner?
Chain litter.

What is the cat's favourite magazine?
Good Mousekeeping.

How many cats can you put into an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.

Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look?
Because you stop looking after you find it.

If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window?
Because the window is closed.

What is a cat's favourite movie?
"The Sound of Mewsic."

Dog is Man's Best Friend

Okay how many of you can admit that coming home and getting licked on the face by your dog is the best welcome home greeting there is? I'll admit it. There is nothing quite like my Ali's greeting. She puts her ears all the way back, wags her tail non stop, whines with utter joy, and kisses me like there is no tomorrow.

My wife asks why I greet the dog first, and I say, as soon as you get as excited to see me as she does, I'll kiss you first.

Dogs never gets mad at us. They don't hold grudges. They don't talk bad about us behind our backs. They are fiercely loyal. They are always glad to see their master. They even sense when we are down and can try to cheer us up. They love us unconditionally. What a friend!

I know I am not alone here. I have talked to many other dog lovers who feel the same. I therefore, conclude that dog is man's best friend.

Cat Laughs

Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.

Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists?
Because they finally opened their eyes.

Why are cats better than babies?
Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?
Hiss and Tell.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?
A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.

What does a cat do when it gets mad?
It has a hissy fit.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
The purrpatrator.

More Cat Jokes

Part 3

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens.

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat?
A peeping tom.

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's favourite song?
Three Blind Mice.

What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice?
Don't you have a cat?

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order?
Claw Enforcement.

How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?
He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.

Cat Jokes

Part Two

What do cats like on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.

What do you call a cat that lives in the desert?
Sandy Claws.

What magazine do cats like to read?
Good Mousekeeping.

Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't?
Your lap.

Why did the cat put oil on the mouse?
Because it squeaked.

What is a cat's favourite car?
The Catillac.

What kind of cat will keep your grass short?
A Lawn Meower.

Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats?
Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.

What do you use to comb a cat?
A catacomb.

Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because it was afraid of the bark!

Teach your cat to flush the toilet, yes the toilet.
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Dog Jokes

Part 2

Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?
He doesn't believe in dogs.

What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

What is a little dog's favorite drink?
Pupsi-cola.

What kind of dog floats in the air?
An Airedale.

What do you get if an Airedale floats too close to the sun?
A hot dog.

What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.

Where do young dogs sleep when they camp out?
In pup tents.

Why did the little boy name his dog Computer?
Because it came with lots of bytes.

Pets Do the Darndest Things

If it weren't for the funny things pets do, some days would be down right boring. Take for example, dogs, and some of their habits.

One of our dogs will drag underwear, socks or bras around the house from the laundry basket. Her favorite time to do this is usually when we have guests! Can you imagine the embarrassment of talking to a guest and looking down at their feet, only to see a pair of underwear. Well we have experienced it several times. The only thing I could say the first time was, "I doubt that you need those so let me put them away."

How To Take Your Small Pet Dog Everywhere

How To Take Your Small Dog Everywhere

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This sensational resource "How to Take Your Small Dog Everywhere - From Around The Corner to Around The World" is available to you as a downloadable manual directly accessible at http://crystals86.spencerdog.hop.clickbank.net/.

Yes, it does cost to purchase the e-book, but there is also a valuable bonus. At no additional charge, the "Hotel And Restaurant Guide" - all the places to travel that are pet-friendly and just plain fun!

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You Know Your Cat Owns You When:

At the store, you pick up the cat food and kitty litter before you pick out anything for yourself.
The Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap.
You accept dates only with those who have a cat. If so, you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along.
You don't admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have.
You buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month.
You climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat.
You cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays.
You feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork.
You give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas, and you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse.
You have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator.

Why The World Needs Pets

Why The World Needs Pets
by: Bill Clanton

They won’t hold a grudge. They won’t leave you for someone else. They know how to show their affection. They even know your feelings better than you do. Who are “they”? Well “they” go by many names, but most of the world just calls them “Pets”.

Pets are wondrous creatures whose powers go beyond that of spiritual or magical. Perhaps that power is what the world needs more of. Recently while being interviewed by a local newspaper reporter I was asked the question, “Why do you think that pets have become so popular in recent years?” I thought for a moment and then answered. “We are a nation at war, a nation still recovering from the after effects of September 11th, a nation rebuilding in the wake of a devastating hurricane in the South, all while living in a media spoon fed world with terror attacks in every news break.” I then went on to explain the key thing that separates us from our pets. “If I were to go to a human friend for emotional support, I could only expect so much. You see, they could be affected by the same negative worldly stress that depresses me. However, my pet remains unaffected.” This newspaper reporter agreed with my statement and we spent several minutes talking about the idea of “unconditional love”.

Unconditional love is a phrase that I have heard people from all walks of life relate totally to pets. I find it amazing that so many people with different backgrounds, cultures, and languages can come to this same agreement. When we are at our lowest of lows our pet will still be there. Pets fill the void in our lives.

Another incredible aspect of pets is in the case of loved ones away from home. While loved ones may be over seas fighting to preserve freedom, pets are fighting battles here on the emotional frontlines in our homes. Our pets are armed with the weapons of mass affection. A wet nose, a wagging tail, a friendly purr, and soft snuggly fur remain a strong hold of the pet arsenal. In a few short moments a pet can bring us from a face full of tears to a face full of cheers.

They always aim to please expecting nothing in return. I have never heard of a dog not loving his master because his master forgot say “I love you”, or a cat ignoring her caretaker because they got home late from work. Wait, I am talking about cats so actual results of the previous statement may vary. My point is that we could learn a tremendous amount about humility and humanity from our pets. Humans using the powers gained by observing our pets could one day actually bring about world peace. In the mean time we take it one heart at a time.

The next time you find yourself alone, hurt, sad, or frightened, just find your furry friend, open up your heart, and let the power heal you.

The Creation Story As Told By a Dog

The Creation Story As Told By a Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

The Creation Story As Told By a Dog

Cat Jokes

What do cats like on their hot dogs?
Mouse-tard.

What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.

What do you call a cat that sucks on lemons?
A sourpuss.

What has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.

What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.

What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.

How to cats greet each other at Christmas?"
A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!"

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More cat jokes to come.

Dog Jokes

Which side of a dog has the most hair?
The out side.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"?
A watch dog.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help ... after he bites your leg off.

What do you call a dog that is left-handed?
A south paw.

What does a dog get when it finishes obedience school?
A pet degree

Funny Dog Names

by: Jakomo Dupont

You know how hard it may be to decide on which dog or breed of dog to buy, you know how difficult it may be to convince the members of the family that you want to have a dog and that you will take care of him in a proper way. Nevertheless, there is something which may seem easy but it is not. Quite the opposite in fact, naming your dog may turn out to be a complete nightmare if you do not take the time and energy to do it right.

Buying a dog can be quite painstaking, altering your whole lifestyle can be nerve wracking at first, but if on top of that, your dog does not look or resemble or the effort you had to put together to buy him and make him adapt to your way of life, the whole situation may turn out to be rather disappointing.

Giving your dog a name requires your attention and dedication for some time. First of all you will need to consider that whenever your dog is called by the name it is because he had to learn it somehow. Therefore, it is really important to give your dog a name that is easy for him to learn as well as for you to remember.

Extravagant and presumed of names may well end up being called finally, puppy or doggie. You certainly do not wan that to happen. In order to give the dog an appropriate name you should also pay attention to his personality, his energy, his daily routine, etc.

Among the many styles of names that you can come up with, there are some which can be improved to become rather funny or at least striking, not the usual, silly or boring names.

Let' take a look at some possible alternatives:

For those dogs which have a funny appearance, names such as Buzie, Bungee or Buccy seem to be appropriate.

For those dogs which are as energetic as a bottle of Gatorade, a name such as Jazzy may sound ok. What about Jeopardy, for those intriguing dogs with that puzzling look?

Why not name him after someone famous you admire, for example if your dog is rather fat and his rotation is not very active, Homer would sound hilarious or even Barney, Homer's drinking friend. With smart, intelligent dogs, the option can be Lisa, if it is a female , it would sound just right.

Baldy for those dogs without much hair would seem suitable, Bingo if you are into casino games, or if you had luck in the past and want to remember that by naming your dog that way.

Finally, Magellan, a bit of history, for those intrepid dogs which like adventure so much, would sound a bit over the top but funny, nevertheless.

Funny Dog Story

Funny Dog Story!

Speaking of German Shepherds, I had a female once named Princess. Princess sure played the part of a princess. One of her "unique" habits was to show off everyday when we came home. She would pick up her bowl and carry it around the room in her mouth. She walked slowly but proudly. Her tail would wag and her ears were back. Our part in this ritual was to clap our hands and chant "Look at her."

Princess loved the attention. She was a dog that craved affection, but only on her terms. Our clapping for her would usually last about two or three minutes before Princess would drop the bowl and lay down. It was if she was saying, "That's enough. I'm done." However, if we stopped clapping and chanting first she would not like that.

I am not sure who enjoyed the show more, Princess or our family. One thing is for sure, Princess would do it every time we saw her, and we continued doing our part for all ten years that we had her. What a funny dog story.

Funny. Dog Won't Let Her Tail Get Away

Funny. Dog Won't Let Her Tail Get Away. My German Shepherd dog, Ali, has one of the funniest habits I have ever seen. She chases her tail. Now you may be thinking what is so funny about that. Well, she only chases her tail when someone is in the room with her. It is all she wants to do. She will chase her tail for hours. Yes, hours, non stop, for as long as someone is in the room with her. If she is left alone, she stops immediately. Ali will chase her tail in circles until she can grab a hold of it. She then proceeds to spin in a circle, tail in mouth, until she is dizzy. Or so it seems. Then it's time to start the cycle over again.

It goes something like this. Ali will sit down and turn her head so she can see the tail. As soon as the tail moves ever so slightly, or if someone in the room makes a move of any kind, she begins to chase it, as if it was going to get away or something. She is relentless in her pursuit of her tail. We affectionately refer to her tail as her friend. There's nothing Ali would rather do than chase that tail around the room. That is, as long as she has an audience. What a funny dog story it is.